Most of the time I feel as though I am not really completely here in this world. There are several reasons for this. One is due to the fact that no matter what I do I am never grounded. Once when a healer was attempting to ground me I felt as though I was being shocked over and over. He later told me he was given the information never to ground me but only to connect me to Venus. That should be a good enough reason to feel as though you don’t belong here and feel as though you are not completely here but there is another reason that intensifies this feeling even more.
I seem to have a foot in several worlds. One is beyond everything here and allows me to have all kinds of otherworldly experiences. The other is an illness that has been ever present for more years than I would like to remember. These are two very intense experiences going on at the same time.
The illness was the catalyst that forced me to leave my entire life behind and propel me into the world of healing. I learned many things in this new world. First I had to learn if I had the courage to make this journey. I was frightened and lost. I had no compass. I found that sometimes I had great courage and sometimes I had none. I continue this journey to this day and pass in and out of some very dark passages and also into places more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.
I have been given divine glimpses into the purpose of the physical illness and have been told the same exact thing by several mystics who I love and admire most in this world. I have been shown and told things that have been very challenging to understand and more challenging to live. I understand that nothing is what it seems.
Over these past months the challenges have been almost too much to bear. I write this today for those who are also feeling this way. The circumstances do not matter. Whatever we are going through in our own physical lives in many cases is being magnified as the world around us squeezes through the eye of the needle. We are being purged and sanctified.
It is a lonely journey. It is not for the faint of heart. Glimpses of heaven are beautiful and miraculous and still we must make it here through each day. Our faith is being tested as we bear witness to one heartbreaking event after the other. Where is it all heading? Some are so sure of the who what where and why. I am not so sure of anything except I must use everything I have to keep on keeping on.
The mysteries I have been shown about physical suffering go way beyond anything I could have ever imagined. When I lose my way I am reminded in ways that are impossible to ignore. I am living the mystery.
Here on earth I am a partner in life to the boy I made a vow to when I was nineteen. He is the embodiment of unconditional love. I am a mother and a grandmother. I am a mystic and a recluse. I suffer greatly in the physical in ways I never could have imagined and soar to the heavens in ways I never could have dreamed. Sometimes it feels like a blessing and a curse. When the mind tries to take me over I come back to what I know to be true. These are the days when the darkness upon this planet is doing all it can to take us down. These are the days we were made for.
Each time I find a way to rise again and again I think of all of you. I think of all we are all going through and remind myself that as lonely as this all feels we are not alone. There are legions of angels and loving beings here with us in every moment. We are going to make it. We rise together.
The Heart of Love 