The Heart of Love

Prayers, Poetry, Divine Inspiration by Gail Swanson


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Healing – I Am a Work in Progress

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This has been a day of healing. This has been a day of waking early to go through a kind of life review while trying to go back to sleep. As all these events passed through my mind I felt all the emotions of each event. I could not fall back to sleep and I was already exhausted from lack of sleep from the day before. Loss of sleep mostly always results in a health episode that is very unpredictable.

The next thing that happened was seeing a Joan of Arc post I had written last year on this day. I did not remember writing it but I remembered immediately that Joan of Arc had passed through the parade of events I had experienced in the early morning hours. This was starting out to be quite a day.

Right after that I came across a post from a well known author and found that she has had a chronic illness for thirty years. So have I. As I read through her posts discussing all the aspects of what this entails it struck me.

Here she was a successful writer, writing all these beautiful books and articles and posts and just as easily discussing her life with this illness. She talked about being thankful that she is a writer and can write from her bed when all she can do is surrender to the bed. She talked about being too ill to write at all. She talked about being unreliable in not being able to show up at the last minute. She talked about all the grace that can be found in an experience like this. She talked about wanting a cure and the surrender that must come when one does not come. She talked about healing without being cured. She talked about it all. She talked about me.

So here I sat, tears flowing with several invitations in emails that I must answer, beautiful invitations that I wish to attend but know that I may not. And here I sat with events coming that have been a dream come true for me and prayers sent up to please allow me to feel well and attend. And I realize so deeply how I have been trying to hide in a way from just being the whole of who I am and speaking the truth of what needs to be said.

I have put a terrible pressure on myself and caused myself more suffering in the worry over how and if I will be able to be present to things that mean so much to me and to the people that mean so much to me. I am facing today that I find it embarrassing to have to speak the truth of why I may not be.

I have been wounded by judgment and opinions and I have judged myself harshly as well. My work is within the spiritual community. I want to be out there. I love what I do. I have surrendered over and over and I have risen to the occasion when I thought I could not. Truth is I would rather be the person who rises to the occasion no matter what because after all that is what a divine feminine warrior does or so I tell myself. It is also true that I rise and resurrect myself every single day as every person with an illness like this knows.

So why am I writing this? I have written on the subject of illness before including the higher spiritual view but this is what I have been dealing with on the down to earth every day level. I am writing because this is what I do and this is who I am. I am a writer. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a grandmother and a divine feminine warrior. I am a million things rolled up into one wild, dramatic, sensitive and very funny girl. I am also an open book about just about everything so it was time to face this and let it all out. I am writing this to heal the shame that I am facing today. I know that this whole day has been divinely guided and I try my best to be awake and aware to what I am shown.

What I deal with every day physically is a huge part of who I am. I have a belief and a knowing that nothing is what it seems and all is for a higher purpose but still we must go through it all here on earth. I am blessed beyond measure with a family who loves me and understands and has never made me feel less than for any of it. I have done that to myself.  My closest friends know the very worst of it and I am so thankful for them.  It is what I am to the outside world and my work that I have put this pressure upon myself.

I am a work in progress.

This was a big day with an opportunity for so much healing from the minute I opened my eyes. For this I am ever grateful.

More to come….

 


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Star Child

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My grandson began communicating with me five years before he was conceived. I transcribed what he told me and passed it on to my daughter and son-in-law. He had much to say and gave us specific information on what needed to take place before he would come into this world. We knew he was a powerful and special being.

He expressed to me that his spiritual name was Elijah and he is so named. His transition into this world has not been easy. His vibration does not match this extremely dense environment. He comes from a higher place.

He emerged onto this planet in a rather traumatic way and he has been struggling to adjust ever since. I often wonder why it has to be so difficult for him but just as we are, he is transmuting huge energies.

He has an energy that is difficult to contain within his physical body. Everything about him is big and loud and fascinating. Each second of every day he is creating a new and exciting invention. He is easily overwhelmed by all kinds of things in his environment. He is incredibly sweet and loving and has a view of the world that is astounding for a four year old child.

He has a love and concern for the planet and is upset by any disregard for her. He has no understanding for why anyone would litter or choose to eat animals. He loves the stars and the planets and all of nature. He is purity itself.

He has come to remind us of who we are and how far lost we have become. He has his own way and his will is stronger than any I have ever seen. His energetic outbursts can be seen as disturbing but he has come back to a family who knows him and remembers him and honors him for who he is and why he has come. We understand that the energy he carries is sacred and powerful. We allow him his need to express himself in any way that helps him to release the excess power he is trying to contain in his small four year old body.

Elijah is working through enormous karmic events for humanity. He deals with extreme night terrors as he passes through what is almost like the bardo that happens during death. He navigates his way for this planet and all of her inhabitants.

This is who he is and what he does. One evening he had a particularly long and frightening night terror. When he emerged out of it he asked to light a candle. He was given a candle with the image of the Blessed Mother and this pleased him greatly. After a while he blew out the candle. As he lay in bed with his mother and father in the pitch dark room he exclaimed “Look see the rainbows and the sparkling colored lights on the ceiling”? As they looked up they too could see the colored lights but as soon as they became aware of them they disappeared. Elijah could still see them. The next day Elijah told me the whole story and when he got to the part about the rainbows and colored lights he said “Mimi I made it happen.” And I knew that he did. He understood that his angels and guides had come and that he had called them.

There are many children on earth at this time just like Elijah. They have chosen to come at this particular time to raise the vibration of this planet. It is a daunting task for them and it is not easy for their families who love them so to watch as they struggle to adjust to this dense and chaotic world. It is also the greatest blessing to be in the presence of these incredible beings.

I look forward to the day when these children are the norm rather than looked upon as different and flawed in some way. They try to name them and categorize that which there is no earthly category for. They come from a place of love. They come to make us look deep within and to see where we are holding our own old judgments and beliefs.

I honor their place in this world. I honor their right to express themselves and to strengthen themselves. I honor their right to be free from all the constraints of this world that cannot and shall not hold them. I am grateful that my family is awake and aware and fully supports this beautiful angelic child and I wish the same for each and every one.

May love and peace prevail.