The Heart of Love

Prayers, Poetry, Divine Inspiration by Gail Swanson


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The Dark Night

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I knew it was coming. There was a miracle on it’s way. I knew it was time. I knew it was predestined. I felt prepared but there can be no preparation for a spiritual breakdown. There can be no preparation for moving back and forward in time where everything is collapsing and emerging at exactly the same time. At first you are as if in a dream because it is truly a dream like state. You feel completely detached as if you are on an island looking through a periscope and everything looks so small and insignificant and at the same time silently underneath volcanoes are erupting.

There was nothing to grab onto. There was no frame of reference. There were elements of the dark night. I was lost in a sea of complete detachment and yet the most excruciating emotion. I have never felt so alone. I have never felt more as if I were fighting desperately for something I was not even sure of.

Everything I have ever been came clamoring. Everything I wish to be was before me and yet I remained in this limbo for weeks unsure of everything and everyone. There was no thinking. There was just surviving. This was a state of being. This was a physical, mental, spiritual crisis. I am not at all sure how I made it through.

There were no revelations. There were no hints or clues of anything. I was in a void, just being and feeling. I felt completely desperate. I felt I needed to be in a convent or a monastery or a cave. This is what I thought of constantly.

So the miracle was sent. Precious words and memories were exchanged. And then that defining undeniable sentence was spoken. It was quiet and beautiful and then it began to pick up wind and became a tornado swirling all around me.

In an instant it changed everything. Slowly the unraveling began. Systematically the universe responded. Everything I had seen, everything I had heard, seeped into my cells and into my bones. Fight or flight. There is nowhere to run. I am left to weather the storm.

It almost seems like a dream now but it was real and true and necessary. I still do not understand a bit of it and perhaps I never will. I only know that when you call out for years on end “I will do what is asked of me” you better mean it.

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The Things We Try Not To Talk About

a magical bridge in a green lush forest

I want to talk about

the things we try not to talk about

Why?

Because it is too painful

Because we do not wish to show

Our suffering

Our sadness

Our hopelessness

Our wounds

 

We are these things

We are our stories

Our lives

Our hopes and our hopelessness

We are allowed to FEEL
and to SPEAK

The TRUTH

Of who we are

And what we feel

ALL of it

The Ugly and the Beautiful

 

We are magnificent

Because we embrace

And embody

And transcend

Moment by moment

Our personal crushing sorrows

Our physical suffering

Our despair for the earth

And our unbearable disappointment in humanity

 

We are a living miracle

Falling and rising

Weeping and rejoicing

We do not have one without the other

We are our sorrows and our joys

We are the bitter and the sweet

We are the brokenhearted and the victorious

 

Let us proclaim it all

With reverence

Let us not run

From the deepest darkest places

For there and only there

shall we begin to find our way to the light

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Esoteric Mystery

Ciel3

I am falling
praying
desperately
show me a way
out of this dark hell
and into the light of a miracle
I know too much
and not enough
the truth of my lives
line up before me
swirling in visions, dreams
and synchronicities
an esoteric mystery
unsolvable by earthly means
I am weary
and so I pray
for some kind of miracle
for the answer lies beyond all this
this I know for sure
and in the dark of night
between despair and hope
my cries and prayers are heard
and the miracle appears


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Power Song

Alchemical-Goddess-Holy-Union

I am holding on
barely
I am praying for a miracle
constantly
I am falling
into the well of despair

this is a terrible and lonely battle
only the strongest survive
I am weak in body
weakened by life after life
of brutality
meant to crush my spirit
and steal my power

I carry the wounds of the feminine
deep within my physical body
I have returned
to transcend the physical

I am a warrior of the light
my spirit is rising
out of the well of despair

I remember
the divine feminine alchemy
that shall turn the shadows
of this dark cold hard metal
into the light
of miraculous gold


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On Becoming a Grandmother

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During these chaotic times, miracles abound, and through one of these most incredible miracles I have become a grandmother.  My granddaughter Lila came to me from across the world.  She came on the breath of a prayer.  She came through the love we had for her from the moment we knew she was to be ours.  She came through the faith in this knowing that no matter how long and difficult the journey, she would one day be home and fall into the arms of a family that loves her beyond all measure.

How can I describe this incredible experience?  How can I explain a love that has expanded our hearts and our lives beyond anything we ever could have imagined?  This blessing, this merging of hearts and lives is heaven-sent and is in the truest sense the meaning of oneness.  This babe, from a world far away, this magnificent child, has awakened this family to much that has been sleeping.  For asleep in some ways we all are, until the universe provides us with an experience that takes us beyond anything we ever knew.  It is precisely this kind of golden opportunity that awakens us to the true meaning of life.

This love has no name.  This love has no color.  This love has no place.  This love is infinite in nature and is that which has created the universe.  It is the Alpha and the Omega.  It is beyond time and space.  It is the origin of all, pure and natural and vibrating with a kind of joy that is found only in this unique and incredible kind of experience.

I am an open and loving being.  I love with all my heart and soul, and yet I am amazed and thrilled by the power of my love for this child.  I am humbled and  awakened.  I am filled with her embrace and anointed by her kiss.  I am lifted by her laughter and reborn through her beautiful eyes.

Yes, this is a miracle.  It is the miracle of love.  It is the kind of love that unifies and magnifies.  It is the kind of love that takes you beyond anything and everything you ever dreamed.  This is the love that we have forgotten.  This is the love that ends all separation.  This is the love that if each and every person upon this planet could feel, it would end all war.

I am thankful to be lifted by this love, to be guided by this love, and to be one with this love. I wish that the remembrance of this love would enter each and every heart for I know that only then, will the true meaning and feeling of oneness and peace ever return to earth.