The Heart of Love

Prayers, Poetry, Divine Inspiration by Gail Swanson


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2017 New Years Visitation

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I feel a bit melancholy as I always do at New Years. It is a mix of looking forward to a brand new year filled with hope and possibility and a looking back at all of my life and the loved ones who are no longer here. I have been dreaming lately of my mother and father. I think of them constantly. I always have and I always will.

Every New Years Eve I write down all I wish to release and burn it.

I then write down all I wish to manifest in the New Year. After I did this I came back in the house and called out to my mother and father. They came instantly…. together.

Vesica Pisces

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Vesica Pisces Gematria 153

Magdalene Gematria 153

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Vesica Pisces ~ Star of David

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My new Birthday Winter Solstice Star of David necklace

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When it all comes together above and below.

Happy Blessed New Year Everyone!

 

 


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The Passing

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When the time came I could feel it. There was a shift in the energy. The woman from hospice was not aware of it. She was trained to look for physical signs. This was as quiet as a whisper, as subtle as a soft breeze. I felt her going and I said “She is going.” The woman shook her head and said “I just checked her. Everything is the same.” I said again “She is going.” Now she stood and checked my mother’s pulse. She said “There is no pulse.” At that point the room and the woman faded away and there was nothing in this world left except my beautiful mother and me. She had waited for me to arrive. I was only there a few moments when she began making her way home.

I held her hand and I talked. I talked to her for the last time. I talked her right up to Heaven. I was aware of how purposeful and how blessed it all was. I was present, I was focused, I was meant to be her guide. I was honored and so aware, that this is how it all began. I breathed my first breath with my mother and she was now breathing her last breath with me. Full circle.

She was flying with the angels. She was where she belonged. I held her and loved her as she made her journey. I adored her to Heaven. It was just what she deserved. It was quiet and reverent and quick. We were partners, as we always had been, hand in hand, breathing together, the last breath of life. It was a glorious farewell.

On the second anniversary of my mother’s journey to Heaven I did not realize what day it was. I was standing in the kitchen when suddenly in an instant a feeling came over me that was the complete and total essence of my mother. There are no words to describe the power and perfection of this experience. It filled me so that I said out loud ‘Oh my God, Mommy!”

And here is the best part. My mother was very unsure if she believed in life after death. Quite honestly I don’t think she did at all but she tried to, for me. We had many discussions on the subject and she knew that I was absolutely sure of it and she thought that was just lovely for me but …she thought it was something perhaps people made up to make themselves feel better.

I used to kid her and tell her she was going to be so surprised when she found out I was right. I made her promise, I don’t know how many times, that she would give me a sign when she found out the truth., and she has. There have been unmistakable signs from her. This however was beyond a sign, beyond a message.

This was the complete essence of my beautiful mother’s spirit.

My mother found out. There is life after death and she came from Heaven to tell me so.


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Merging

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I have been weepy for days. This is the time four years ago my mother took her last walk and climbed into her bed. She passed three days later with me at her side. It was everything I wanted for her. No suffering, just peace and a final letting go after I told her I would be alright without her.

There is something in our cells that recalls the timing of these events in our lives. If you were not aware of the dates or time of year you would still feel in your body the remembrance of love and sorrow. I feel it so strongly.

At the same time I have been experiencing a wound from times past. This is a deep and painful wound. This is a wound that does not come from this lifetime. Just as we experience remembrance of events in this lifetime so do we experience other lifetimes as well.

What do they come to show us? Why do we still carry such wounds? I wonder. The wound of my mother’s passing from this world is now merging with this wound of long ago. I travel this road with the spirit of my mother by my side. She comforts me as she always has. I can hear her say “Don’t cry Gaily.”

Oh how I love you Ma.


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In Honor of My Beautiful Mother

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My mother was beautiful inside and out. I was blessed to be her daughter. As Mothers Day approaches I happened to find something I wrote after she passed a few years ago. I miss her so and I always will.

 

Dreaming of my beautiful mother all night long. Trying to process what has taken place over these past weeks and days from the moment I open my eyes each morning and all through dreamtime. Our journey together has been long and intense. Our love for one another has been extraordinary.

I was a very sensitive child, I felt everything so deeply, more than my friends, more than anyone is the way it felt. My mother made me feel that I was unlike anyone, special and unique. She showered her love upon me and this was the saving grace that carried me through. She adored being a mother and she was great at it. She was sweet and kind and funny and listened to everything I had to say. She guided me with an incredible insight into who I was and what I needed and she did it without any frame of reference from her own mother.

Her mother was the unimaginable kind of mother who was sorry her children were ever born. She told my mother this on a constant basis but my mother had an inner happiness that could not be killed. Her light shined so bright that it illuminated her way without the love of her own mother. She was always thankful that she had other women close to her that loved her and made her know that she was wonderful and special. Her aunt and her grandmother became everything to her and when she was seventeen she moved in with her beloved aunt. She told me it was the happiest day of her life.

I called my great aunt Auntie and she became the replacement for the grandmother that meant nothing to me except to be the person that always made my mother cry. I learned so much through witnessing these relationships in my mother’s life. Because of my own sensitivity and ability to see into people even then, I could feel that something was very, very wrong with this whole picture.

So as I child I would try to counsel my mother that this relationship to her mother was harmful to her and that her mother not only didn’t deserve the attention my mother was still giving her, but that her mother didn’t care about anything my mother did for her at all. There was no pleasing, no satisfying a person whose only pleasure in life was to make someone else feel miserable.   It only supplied her with more ammunition.

When I think back on this time in my childhood I realize that most children think that what goes on in their family is the norm. I did not. I was super aware of everything and everyone and I knew that it was ridiculous to have been sold the notion that because someone is related to you, you owe them some sort of obligation because all that turns into is returning for more and more abuse. Even as a child I understood that my mother was participating in this for reasons of her own.

I was very sure of many things as I watched all these scenarios played out. I was aware of who was genuine and loving and made you feel happy and good and who did just the opposite. My mother was loving. My mother was a wonderful daughter to someone whose mission in life was to try to destroy her own child. I learned well what I would surround myself with in my life no matter the relationship.

My mother has always said that you are responsible for your own happiness. She lived this way all of her life. Even when she was dealing with her mother she found countless ways to fill herself with love and joy and she felt the thing she was best at was being a mother. This was true and so unusual for as I know and have seen over and over in other’s lives it is almost impossible to not repeat that kind of abuse.

My mother’s incredible light saved her and it saved me. She taught me well by all she did do and what she didn’t do. She was selfless and gave her heart and her soul to everyone who loved her. She was my best friend. I felt honored to be the one to care for her in her last years. The hours we spent together were precious to us both. We were in full awareness of every moment together. She was a joy and she was and is the great love of my life. I will miss her more than I can ever express.

God speed Mommy. You are my inspiration and my heart.