The Heart of Love

Prayers, Poetry, Divine Inspiration by Gail Swanson


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That Most Sorrowful Day

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The women were there every step of the way
we agonized, we cried out, we fell to our knees
the men were gone
fear had overtaken them

I can only speak for myself when I say
I had no fear
not for me
the unbearable witnessing
of such things done to him
you could only be with him
of him

each step was mine
each time he stumbled

the weight of the cross
the taunts
it was a mob scene

I saw nothing but him
I felt I would not live through it
such was the overwhelming feeling
of being one with him

and even in this
I know it was a comfort to him
for he could feel my agony
and he could feel my infinite love

so I walked this way of the cross
and I tell you in complete truth
I hung with him on that cross
and on that day I was aware
of somehow relieving him
in ever the smallest way

for I absorbed his sorrow and I felt his pain
and with all my heart and soul sent him
the radiant burning love
that was transforming within my heart

and this he felt
and this he understood

it is impossible to make known the bitter gall
of that most sorrowful day

for there are no words to describe
the depth of his physical suffering

and the agony and beauty of being witness
to his magnificent forgiving heart

only the glory of his Resurrection
could ever ease the pain
for it would take something so miraculous and divine
to fill your heart with light and love once again

it was an honor and a blessing
to stand with the women
the ones who saw nothing
but the truth of heaven before their eyes

and we lifted him with our prayers
and we sustained him with our love
and it was our faces he did see
in these most brutal and terrible moments

and the power of unspeakable acts
and the glorious message of forgiveness
burned in our hearts all the days of our lives

may this message come alive in your hearts
and may his life be testimony
of heaven and of earth

from The Heart of Love: Mary Magdalene Speaks
Gail Swanson

 


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Fall Equinox ~ Tipping the Scales

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The scales are tipping, back and forth. All is being weighed, every thought, every feeling, every action – compassion or resentment, joy or sorrow, tipping the scales. There is an acute awareness of all coming to the surface. Parts of yourself that have been hidden are being forced up and out into the light. Mortality is staring you in the face as choices stand before you.

You are being pushed, prodded, uncovered and revealed. You feel uncomfortable and uncertain. You wish for a time of balance and simplicity but it is nowhere to be found. Your inner truth is all that matters, your truest self, in all it’s imperfections, all of you, all that has been pushed under, all that hides from the glaring light.

Just when you think you have gotten the hang of this balancing act after all the seeing and all the dreaming and all the revealing ….. it leads to this. There is no escape from the work to be done, no avoiding, no putting it off. We are in it. We are living through it. We are it. We are awake and aware and feeling it all. It can be brutal in it’s intensity.

Those of us with such sensitivity have come this far and yes found more of a balance, so not to be crushed by the weight of sorrows too unbearable to bear. We have come so far we can feel it. We are living it, more aware, more steady as we go, more sure, just enough that we seem to have kind of gotten the hang of it.

But the scales must still tip, back and forth, more sorrows, more joy, more awareness, more hidden. It is a game of mastery and we are the master players. We have gained strength and courage and wisdom. We have opened to see beyond the beyond. It is thrilling and daunting.

We can close our eyes when it becomes too much but they cannot stay closed for long. Our inner truth compels us to keep seeing, to keep believing, to keep traveling on, to face the new challenges with new eyes, no matter how tempting it is to see with the old ones.

We are warriors of truth. We are being called upon to take on incredibly difficult challenges. We are transmuting and transforming enormous unprecedented energies. We have made it this far.

Don’t give up.


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The Veil is Thinning

 

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The veil is thinning. Time to get your shit together.

Feel your way home. The loneliness you have carried

may be coming to an end. The great battle between good

and evil may one day evaporate like the morning dew and

all the struggle and all the preparation and all the yearning

may explode into a magnificent Eden where love is remembered

and lived.

And we shall weep with joy in place of sorrow.

I weep now at the mere thought of it.

I align my soul with the beauty of it.

Just imagine.

 

 


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The Journey

 

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open to the journey without expectation
knowing all will be given
open to the letting go
fearing nothing
knowing all will be released
embrace the new
and honor the old
as the world continues to turn

breathe in the sun
and swallow the moon
dance with the stars in heaven
for each world and every dimension
joins you in your ascension
breathing all forces into your heart
and whispering dreams of encouragement

live this life in truth and integrity
for it effects all others
be one with nature
and one another
be one with all aspects of your being

proclaim each day
a day lived with love
and a faith that grows ever strong
omit nothing, allowing everything
dream and trust in the answer

that all is as it should be
each twist and each turn
each joy and every sorrow
each hurt and anger turned to love
each heartache that births compassion

yes all these things
and yes all you see
and all that you only imagine
feel it all
and live it well
consecrate all unto heaven

bow your head
and receive each blessing
and raise your voice in praise
for the conscious awakening
destined to be
a world merging heaven and earth

for each blade of grass
and each droplet of water
that partners and springs forth new life
you are as these
at one with all
nourishing your world
if you choose

and as you honor
and as you trust
as the world continues to turn
hearts shall mend
and love shall rekindle
in souls who believe in magic

for wonders alight
in heaven and on earth
and the sound of rejoicing
shall vibrate
into the hearts of each man and each woman
and into the eyes of each child

and the earth shall emerge
as never before
and her people shall live in peace

if you dare to dream
and you dare to live
by love, by truth
and by light

for the light of love dwells in each heart
and loving compassion illuminates
and powers this light as you make it your own
your light
your world
your heaven

 


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Transition

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The passing of one effects the all
Lives that have touched us fall away
transitioning into the great beyond
We are reminded once again of our mortality
and every loss we have suffered along the way
What does collective grief do?
How does the energy of love and sorrow
effect the one we lose?
Can they feel it where they are?
So many hearts remembering and celebrating
a life force bursting with creativity and so much more
I want to know where you are
Even though I know you are everywhere

Godspeed David Bowie


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Doorway to Heaven

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I feel it was predestined and my good fortune to be with both of my parents when they passed from this world. There is a mechanism that prevents us from ever really believing our parents will die. We know it on an intellectual level but in the heart it is impossible to even imagine the reality of such a thing.

I heard talk just about all of my life about how my father would not live long but I never for a moment believed it. His huge personality matched his size. His incredible love of life thrilled and inspired everyone that knew him. He seemed indestructible. Life without him could never be imagined. He died at the wheel of his car in front of my house one September day in my 26th year.  Just like that. Gone. Over. He breathed his last breath in the middle of our conversation and life as I knew it came to an end. And that is just the way it can happen.

Death is a doorway not only for the one who passes but for those who remain. My father’s passing on that September day opened many doors. There was of course the doorway of grief. Once this doorway opens you must pass through the many levels that come with grief and in a way you feel as if you are dying yourself. As you move through the days and nights in a new reality that feels completely unreal you are faced with agonizing, unrelenting sorrow and terror that you feel will never end.

At the same time the doorway of love opens. Love is magnified. Love for the one you can no longer see, feel and touch. Love for the family and friends who come together in such unbearable sorrow. Love for every precious moment spent, every word ever uttered, every everything.

And then the doorway that saves opens, the doorway that creeks open and shines a small stream of light. It may hurt your eyes and you may not be sure just what this light is bringing but soon you begin to see the signs that this door of light and transformation offers. Signs that life never ends. Signs that they are with you still. Signs that love never ends and all you have to do is believe and all you have to do is open the new eyes that you have been given.

Missing and loving them goes on forever. Grief remains but the doorway of heaven is now open and miracles of love flow through the doorway and this is our saving grace.

Until we meet again……..

Photo of The Doorway to Heaven taken by me on the anniversary of my father’s passing when asking him for a sign.


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Merging

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I have been weepy for days. This is the time four years ago my mother took her last walk and climbed into her bed. She passed three days later with me at her side. It was everything I wanted for her. No suffering, just peace and a final letting go after I told her I would be alright without her.

There is something in our cells that recalls the timing of these events in our lives. If you were not aware of the dates or time of year you would still feel in your body the remembrance of love and sorrow. I feel it so strongly.

At the same time I have been experiencing a wound from times past. This is a deep and painful wound. This is a wound that does not come from this lifetime. Just as we experience remembrance of events in this lifetime so do we experience other lifetimes as well.

What do they come to show us? Why do we still carry such wounds? I wonder. The wound of my mother’s passing from this world is now merging with this wound of long ago. I travel this road with the spirit of my mother by my side. She comforts me as she always has. I can hear her say “Don’t cry Gaily.”

Oh how I love you Ma.


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Divine Communion

photo – Divine Communion ~ me ~ the tree ~ the guide

The last few years have been filled with magnificent joys and heart wrenching sorrows. It feels as if we must be stronger than ever to ride the waves of these kinds of huge changes that seem to come one right after the other with no breathing room in between. But breathe we must, and believe we must, for in between the sorrows and the joys the messages still come, the unmistakable messages of love and hope from places beyond what we can see. This is our grace. This is our spiritual foundation. This is the purity from which we enrich and strengthen our spirituality.

I have felt weakened, yes. Have you? I have felt lost and stuck and unbelievably weary. I have felt on the edge of falling with no net beneath to catch me. You can be taken right to that edge and we can see in world events what can happen when you do not have a foundation of grace that you are consciously aware of.

What saves us? The inner knowing that there is something so much bigger, that in spite of all the heartache and violence we are subjected to in this world, we have a divine purpose. Each time we rise above our own individual circumstance, each time we are not too far gone to recognize the grace and love that is showering upon us, each time we grasp the message coming from a loved one who has passed or a heavenly guide and benefactor, we rise to a new spiritual height.

We may feel we are failing, we may feel we are weakened by the struggles and the sorrows in our own lives and in the world but we are being tempered in the fires, we are being purified and transformed. Sometimes we have to will ourselves back from the edge, as we call out for heavenly aid. We must remember that in the fire of transformation and transmutation even our will is being tempered and strengthened. Spiritual alchemy is at work. Our awareness even through times of what feels like brutal change is the saving grace; constant vigilance and awareness of a higher view, constant releasing the obsessive need to know why things happen, rising above any kind of victim mentality and being present in every single living breathing moment. Being present to the smallest joys, a cardinal singing, the way your beloved animal looks at you, a kindness given, each and every precious grace.

And of great importance is allowing yourself to feel. Feel your sorrow, express your sorrow, feel your anger, speak your truth. Holding these feelings in for the sake of thinking you must not give in or that this constitutes weakness or ungratefulness, pushing down feelings, suppressing your emotions. This will only build up and up and become something much bigger than just dealing with it as it comes up. Know yourself. Know what you need to release, to move on. Feel it, cry it out, move on.

When you are awake, even through times of great stress, you will feel a pull, you will hear a calling. Nature will speak to you. The earth, our divine feminine home will call you to her. Go. She will nurture you and rebalance you. She will unburden you. She will remind you who you are. Wrap your arms around a tree before you go to work and thank her. It will change your life.

I believe in my heart that above other things the disconnect from nature, from the earth, is symbolic in the biggest way possible of the disconnect to the divine feminine. This has now manifested in so many ways. Ignoring humanities connection to mother earth and the desecration and disregard for her has shown itself in the suppression and dishonoring of the feminine in every possible way. The spiritual connection to the earth and to the feminine in all her majesty is crucial for our spiritual enrichment and survival. The masculine’s disconnect from his feelings and from his particular resonance with the earth has led us down a treacherous path.

So when you feel the call, answer her. Answer her for all those who can not hear, who will not hear. Answer her through peaceful times and challenging times. Offer up your own connection to her to something far greater.

Offer it up for humanity.

We are the earth.

We are the stars.

We are one another.

Do it.

Let’s do it together.

We were born for this.

Let us remember who we are.


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Birthday Musings

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Birthday December 19, 2014

I came into this world during the Winter Solstice. My parents brought me home from the hospital on Christmas Eve. I was loved and adored and I loved and adored them. I was happy but sensitive in ways I knew that nobody else was.

Along the way I have been challenged with enormous struggles and I have been blessed with the gift of the angels. They whisper to me mysteries that lie beyond the veil. I am awake. I listen and watch for the droplets that fall from the Cup of  The Holy Grail and I drink them in. My name is in resonance with the Sacred Cup of Truth.

I am weary of the struggle and fortified by the truth. No matter how weary I watch and listen. I pray for a miracle, but what is the miracle? The miracle is the amazing strength it takes for the angels to lift you again and again out of the darkest places and into the light of the miracle.

I am still that sensitive girl. I take it all in with screams of joy and excruciating sorrow. There is no in between. It is part of what I must do. I feel. I feel it all. Yours, mine, the planet’s and beyond.

A couple of years ago I had a dream that I was to receive a Shaman’s haircut. It was a powerful dream. I followed it and went and cut off my hair. That might be a simple thing for some but not for me. What was with my hair? My God it was freeing to cut it off. It was a practice in letting go. I didn’t like it but I did it. Today on this day of my birth I begin to grow it back. I was meant to challenge myself, to let go and move into something out of my usual comfort.

As this past year began I was in a terrible way physically and emotionally. I needed a miracle. I prayed and I received. Sometimes the miracle is just not the one you were looking for but it is a miracle all the same. It was a powerful year. We are in a powerful time. The world is filled with sorrows and distractions. Listen for the angels. And whatever you do, don’t go to sleep.

 

 


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Hail Mary

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 Hail Mary full of grace

thank you for thy presence

your veil of sorrow bravely worn

reminds us that all sorrows

will turn to joy when this world ends

and light will shine upon us

and that which we have born with grace

shall all be washed away

as we reunite in heaven’s light

and the birthing of the promise

when every tear is washed away

and life is born anew