A Little Testimony Part 1

The vision that changed my whole life has been that which has sustained me through every dark night of the soul and endless days of unbearable physical suffering.

During the time I was experiencing divine guidance from Mary Magdalene I was also blessed to feel the presence of Padre Pio and St. Therese of Lisieux. Later Joan of Arc aided me in countless ways. 

In the last few years my physical condition has become more serious and there are times when the suffering is so great I am sure I can not possibly make it another hour. I weep from the depths of my soul as the feeling of illness and doom is beyond anything I can cope with.

It is then that I turn to the saints and listen while lying in my bed to the stories of their lives. When you are suffering it is impossible not to think constantly of all beings who are suffering. When you feel you may very well be coming to the end of your life you think constantly of all your shortcomings and all your regrets. When you suffer from an illness for years and years on end you become like an island. Everyone seems to drift further and further away as you struggle to keep up with your every day life.

It has been a long journey to reach the age of seventy. It has been difficult yes, but it has also been miraculous. As I lived each day not knowing if I would be sick or well I also did not know what miracle would occur to save me. The blessings that have been showered upon me have only strengthened my belief and my faith. 

There have been long, dry periods where it seems there is no consolation and there have been times of incredible and miraculous wonder where I have been blessed with the gift of The Holy Spirit. 

I have been at my best friend’s bedside as she spent her last days on this earth. I have been shown the meaning of her suffering and the visitation of her guardian angels bequeathing her more time. I have seen the sorrow and the glory of death. I am not afraid to die. It is living we must overcome.

And so at the age of seventy I wish to put to paper where this journey has led me. Is there a meaning in our suffering that is beyond our comprehension? Yes there is. Are the saints in communion with Jesus  and feel what he feels? Yes they do. Are we part of that sanctified communion? Yes we are. Does your suffering and overcoming aid people anywhere in the world who need aid? Yes it does. 

In 2001 I had a vision. This event turned my life upside down and inside out. Mary Magdalene asked me to tell a part of the story. As I listened and wrote all kinds of miraculous things began to happen. The illness coexisted side by side with the miracles. There are  reasons why this happens. Now after all these years and all I have experienced I wish to acknowledge and share the meaning, as I have come to know it, in the agony of suffering and the glory of the grace of Heaven.

Photograph – A gift from Saint Padre Pio

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I May Not Make it Through This Night

I may not make it through this night

war has broken out in the world

and in my body

I feel death

trying so hard to come for me

to terrify me

and so I call on Padre Pio

and my beloved St Therese

to help me and all those a world away

and yet truly not so far

as I suffer in my bed

I think of all who suffer

I weep endless tears

and I pray

I know I am not alone

and all those in fear for their lives 

have angels beside them

and they will win

one way or another

The Gift

There is so much suffering. So many sacred tears being shed. We suffer for all humanity. This morning I prayed and asked our Beloved Marys for a gift to help to ease the suffering. And oh what a gift manifested! I was then drawn to this passage from my book. 

As the time approached and he knew the end was upon him, his suffering was great. The love he had for us all, for this he did not want to leave, for he knew he was breaking our hearts. In some respects he was relieved that his mission was near completion. In each moment of his suffering and abuse he felt the suffering of all humanity.

He felt this completely, in a universal way.

The angels surrounded him and comforted him and at times he transcended the pain and glimpsed heaven.

He was moving between both worlds.

As he lived and died, he wants you to understand that you too are never alone. This is the way we survive what we feel can surely kill us, all of it, no matter the circumstance.

Remember now, in these moments, that all worldly things may be transcended for he has shown the ultimate transcendence, the Resurrection, the proof of everlasting life.

Think of this now, not as a story or a myth.

Call on your soul’s remembrance.For this is surely within you to remember.

Feel the power of these words for I speak for him in telling you these things.

And firsthand and by his side I witnessed all that I say to you.

Let your hearts open to the understanding of the magnitude of his life, death and Resurrection.

For it is your life.

The Heart of Love Mary Magdalene Speaks

Gail Swanson

That Most Sorrowful Day

The women were there every step of the way
we agonized, we cried out, we fell to our knees
the men were gone
fear had overtaken them

I can only speak for myself when I say
I had no fear
not for me
the unbearable witnessing
of such things done to him
you could only be with him
of him

each step was mine
each time he stumbled

the weight of the cross
the taunts
it was a mob scene

I saw nothing but him
I felt I would not live through it
such was the overwhelming feeling
of being one with him

and even in this
I know it was a comfort to him
for he could feel my agony
and he could feel my infinite love

so I walked this way of the cross
and I tell you in complete truth
I hung with him on that cross
and on that day I was aware
of somehow relieving him
in ever the smallest way

for I absorbed his sorrow and I felt his pain
and with all my heart and soul sent him
the radiant burning love
that was transforming within my heart

and this he felt
and this he understood

it is impossible to make known the bitter gall
of that most sorrowful day

for there are no words to describe
the depth of his physical suffering

and the agony and beauty of being witness
to his magnificent forgiving heart

only the glory of his Resurrection
could ever ease the pain
for it would take something so miraculous and divine
to fill your heart with light and love once again

it was an honor and a blessing
to stand with the women
the ones who saw nothing
but the truth of heaven before their eyes

and we lifted him with our prayers
and we sustained him with our love
and it was our faces he did see
in these most brutal and terrible moments

and the power of unspeakable acts
and the glorious message of forgiveness
burned in our hearts all the days of our lives

may this message come alive in your hearts
and may his life be testimony
of heaven and of earth

from The Heart of Love: Mary Magdalene Speaks
Gail Swanson

 

What If

 

What if you absolutely knew that your suffering was a divine transmutation process?

What if you knew that your overcoming saved someone’s life?

What if you are the most powerful being transmuting the most important and significant energies for the planet and beyond?

What if nothing is what it seems and the angels are constantly rejoicing at your courage, fortitude and faith?

What if just the knowing and believing magnified the power to change anything?

What if the less you thought and the more you felt brought you more into alignment with your true spiritual nature?

What if you absolutely knew that this is the time and what you do from this moment on has a greater effect than ever before?

What if only some of us remembering will tip the scales in favor of Heaven?

And what if love really does conquer all?

I Believe

Great suffering is generated as a consequence of the world going through great transformation. In the midst of this the ability to sustain our lives and strengths must reside in our trust in the Supreme Being who is God.
Medium: Joao de Deus
John of God

When I was going through a period of great suffering I prayed every night for help. The answer came. I was to go to Brazil to see John of God. It seemed impossible for so many reasons but I knew I must go and I did in August of 2014. It was a life changing experience.

John of God came to me in a dream recently. He told me I must come back. Since then he has been showing up everywhere including a new documentary about him.  https://aquesttoheal-beyondthephysical.vhx.tv/products/a-quest-to-heal-beyond-the-physical As I watched the documentary I was struck by an image of the triangle that is on the wall in the Casa in Brazil. This is where people place their requests and prayers and lay they foreheads inside the triangle. I took a picture off the screen of the triangle and to me there is no mistaking that an image of Mary the Blessed Mother has manifested where the people place their foreheads.

I believe.

https://gailheartoflove.wordpress.com/2014/08/02/trip-to-john-of-god-the-sisterhood/

https://gailheartoflove.wordpress.com/2016/09/29/the-prophecy-of-love/

https://gailheartoflove.wordpress.com/2015/04/06/this-is-the-root-of-who-you-are/

https://gailheartoflove.wordpress.com/2014/12/15/911-and-the-crystal-stars-of-love-and-hope/

https://gailheartoflove.wordpress.com/2014/10/04/king-solomon-signs-dreams-and-synchronicities/

 

 

Hurricane Irma and the Sacred Jacaranda

We left Sarasota Florida on Saturday the day before Hurricane Irma hit. I had been getting the strong message to go since Monday. Finally the whole family felt the same and we made the decision to pack up and go. It is a very strange feeling to be leaving your home not knowing what you will find when you return. The main feeling of course is that everyone is safe and out of harms way. We had my grandchildren and all our animals to consider.

I said my prayers and asked the guardians of my home and yard for protection. We have enormous trees surrounding one side of the house. My beloved Jacaranda, my beautiful friend and comforter stands tall and majestic in the corner of the yard. I prayed I would find her still standing when I returned.

We drove for 17 hours and arrived at 5am In Georgia. We slept a few hours and continued on to North Carolina with 3 cars, 2 children, 4 dogs and a cat. My Petey is old and blind and I worried about how he would take all the upheaval. There is so much to this story but today this is the story I want to tell.

After we settled in our hotel in NC and the storm had passed Sarasota we asked a friend to stop by the house and see if there was any major damage. He reported that the house was ok but the tree in the corner of the yard was uprooted. I was so relieved to hear the trees had not crashed through our home and at the same time my heart sank for my beautiful friend would be no more.

As I sat there absorbing the news I gave thanks for all the divine protection we had along the way on such a strange and stressful trip and that we were all together safe and sound. I prayed for everyone who was experiencing the effects of the storm whether they chose to stay or to go. I was deeply grateful for everything.

The next day as I thought about my beautiful tree who had been my beloved companion from the day I moved into my home I thought too about all the altars I had placed beneath her and all the ceremonies, secrets and magic we had shared.

I thought about how I had taught my grandchildren to honor and love and give thanks to the trees and how much she has meant to them too.

I had been holding back my grief for her because of all the loss that people were suffering all over, such terrible unbearable losses. This was a tree, not a person or a home or any precious irreplaceable thing that people were losing in the aftermath of these terrible storms. I was aware that this was nothing in comparison and I should get on with it and continue my prayers and thankfulness and I did but then out of nowhere the tears came.

The tears were for everyone and everything and I let them flow and I let myself feel it all. I do believe that we are all walking around holding in so much. Times like these when you feel the suffering of others it merges with all the suffering and this is how we connect with everything and everyone. It wakes us and shakes us out of our own little worlds and prayers fill the heavens. We will never know the beauty that is happening above all the chaos and destruction we are experiencing here on earth. Each prayer is a saving grace for someone somewhere, this I know.

After all the praying and the crying I received a text from another friend who offered to go check my home and take pictures and send them to me. And this is my little miracle … the uprooted tree was the tree before the Jacaranda and it was so huge you couldn’t see past it.

So the first friend went no further and described the uprooted tree as the tree in the corner but just beyond that uprooted tree stood my sacred Jacaranda!

When I arrived home I made my way past the uprooted tree leaning on the house and there she was with many gigantic branches lost but still standing strong and majestic. I got my camera, started taking pictures and I asked the guardians to show me how she and my home had been protected and again I gave thanks.

This was the answer.

Still She Stands

 

Healing – I Am a Work in Progress

This has been a day of healing. This has been a day of waking early to go through a kind of life review while trying to go back to sleep. As all these events passed through my mind I felt all the emotions of each event. I could not fall back to sleep and I was already exhausted from lack of sleep from the day before. Loss of sleep mostly always results in a health episode that is very unpredictable.

The next thing that happened was seeing a Joan of Arc post I had written last year on this day. I did not remember writing it but I remembered immediately that Joan of Arc had passed through the parade of events I had experienced in the early morning hours. This was starting out to be quite a day.

Right after that I came across a post from a well known author and found that she has had a chronic illness for thirty years. So have I. As I read through her posts discussing all the aspects of what this entails it struck me.

Here she was a successful writer, writing all these beautiful books and articles and posts and just as easily discussing her life with this illness. She talked about being thankful that she is a writer and can write from her bed when all she can do is surrender to the bed. She talked about being too ill to write at all. She talked about being unreliable in not being able to show up at the last minute. She talked about all the grace that can be found in an experience like this. She talked about wanting a cure and the surrender that must come when one does not come. She talked about healing without being cured. She talked about it all. She talked about me.

So here I sat, tears flowing with several invitations in emails that I must answer, beautiful invitations that I wish to attend but know that I may not. And here I sat with events coming that have been a dream come true for me and prayers sent up to please allow me to feel well and attend. And I realize so deeply how I have been trying to hide in a way from just being the whole of who I am and speaking the truth of what needs to be said.

I have put a terrible pressure on myself and caused myself more suffering in the worry over how and if I will be able to be present to things that mean so much to me and to the people that mean so much to me. I am facing today that I find it embarrassing to have to speak the truth of why I may not be.

I have been wounded by judgment and opinions and I have judged myself harshly as well. My work is within the spiritual community. I want to be out there. I love what I do. I have surrendered over and over and I have risen to the occasion when I thought I could not. Truth is I would rather be the person who rises to the occasion no matter what because after all that is what a divine feminine warrior does or so I tell myself. It is also true that I rise and resurrect myself every single day as every person with an illness like this knows.

So why am I writing this? I have written on the subject of illness before including the higher spiritual view but this is what I have been dealing with on the down to earth every day level. I am writing because this is what I do and this is who I am. I am a writer. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a grandmother and a divine feminine warrior. I am a million things rolled up into one wild, dramatic, sensitive and very funny girl. I am also an open book about just about everything so it was time to face this and let it all out. I am writing this to heal the shame that I am facing today. I know that this whole day has been divinely guided and I try my best to be awake and aware to what I am shown.

What I deal with every day physically is a huge part of who I am. I have a belief and a knowing that nothing is what it seems and all is for a higher purpose but still we must go through it all here on earth. I am blessed beyond measure with a family who loves me and understands and has never made me feel less than for any of it. I have done that to myself.  My closest friends know the very worst of it and I am so thankful for them.  It is what I am to the outside world and my work that I have put this pressure upon myself.

I am a work in progress.

This was a big day with an opportunity for so much healing from the minute I opened my eyes. For this I am ever grateful.

More to come….

 

The Chalice of Love

There is a sacred energy that exists throughout all time and at the very root of it all there is a chalice. It is the chalice of love. The chalice of love is the vessel of truth, the vessel of acceptance and forgiveness, the vessel of the infinite, the vessel of you and the vessel of me.

And through the pain and suffering in our lives we must always come back to the chalice, the chalice of hope and redemption; the chalice of resurrection. This is our hope. This is our truth. This is our story.

Cosmic Bootcamp

photo by Gail Swanson

As truth continues to rise and magnify all past hurts and suffering call out night and day and merge with the suffering of today. You thought it was over. You thought you dealt with it. You understood it. You forgave it. You released it. But the stakes are higher now. The truth is more truthful.

There is no rest in the night nor distraction during the day. Everything that frightens you, upsets you, angers you, worries you, confuses you, obstructs you, is rising up with a vengeance.

This is the fall down the rabbit hole, the seeing with magnifying glasses, a gut wrenching, hair pulling, cosmic boot camp.

How strong are we? Pretty Fucking strong.
How aware are we? Pretty Fucking aware.

The tears we weep are so ancient we feel there is no end.
The prayers we whisper are holy and sanctified and heard.

We are not alone.
I can feel all of you.
And you feel me.
We are unified in truth.

I want to give up …. Sometimes.

But I won’t.

Neither will you.